Treking in the woods.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Finding Peace!

I have sorta of been out in limbo land for a bit mostly because of the way I am feeling physically. Today is a much better day. I am learning to except the limitations I have been given and imposed upon myself for the sake of feeling like I want to be here. My visit with the GI doc yesterday was much more productive than it was a month ago. I no longer feel like sitting here and bawling my eyes out for what I can no longer eat. Seems pretty petty when I think of all those who have nothing to eat. I have excepted this new normal. One that consists of fewer pills, thank the lord, because they sit to long in my stomach, the loss of unwanted pounds, to bad they are not healthy pounds, and controlling the amount of a serving. Sounds kinda of dumb when I read it back but when you have something that effects a very basic need, FOOD, it is a hard thing to wrap your mind around. I have lost a total of 26 lbs. not sure how much more I will lose but the one advantage is I have had to buy new pants. Nothing stays on my rear end. Yippeeee!
Two nights ago I sat in the family room by myself and had a real crying pity party. I kept asking God why? Why me? What did I ever do so wrong to warrant one more thing in my life to make me miserable? Of course the answer is nothing! God does not punish! It is what it is and I finally made peace with it and asked God to give the strength to deal with this for the rest of my days. I feel good about that. I am loved by God and by many people who are all praying for me. For those prayers and thoughts I am eternally grateful and feel everyone of them touching me and helping me. Thank you all for them.
Lucy was writing about going through pictures from the past. I am proud she didn't cry because I can not do that. I have a memory that is of Matt, RJ, and Kaylee. The families were all here for a graduation, I think it was Emery's, but anyway the boys found all the boy toys out in the sand box. They moved from the sand box to the vegetable garden that had not been preped for planting yet and built a series of roads that would rival any big city engineers projects. I will have to go thru all of my photos and find the one we have of them playing. I remember asking them about the roads and I got a very detailed lesson from Matt. He was so matter of fact and precise. Matt and RJ played out there the whole time they were here. It was awesome.
What I remember about Kaylee and that weekend was when she went running out of the screen door and didn't see that it was closed. She was pretty small and she bounced back off it and went running in the other room crying because we all were laughing at it. She thought we were laughing at her. I can still see here surprised face when she was suddenly still inside instead of out. Her eyes were as big as dollars and shocked. We had a few other things happen that were funny but I will leave those for another time.
Life is good and I am grateful for each and everyone of my family, my friends, and just the people I know.
The pictures at the top are of Lainey's 6th birthday celebration. Mom and Bill were here as well as Erin's boyfriend Tom, and our friend Chris. Notice Erin has a yellow splint on her left arm. The weekend before she fell, after dislocating her knee cap, at the bowling alley in Twin Falls, while bowling, she broke her left elbow and did some cartilage damage to her knee. Way to go Erin. She is feeling better but still has a week or two off work yet.

1 comment:

  1. You got it right are LOVED and cherished and you are amazing! I love you, I miss you and I am praying for you. I have that playtime in your garden on video...pretty cute. It was for Jasons graduation, I didn't have a video camera for Em's.